What's-Her-Name

     Depending on where you look, there are roughly 10-12 verses to "Oh, My Darling Clementine," and I know two people who can sing them all (Nathan and Kraig, you know who you are). I also once heard a metal version that completely blew my mind (Alec, you rock, dude). When you really get into it, this song is super depressing, but there's one verse that I find hysterical. My friends sing it slightly differently than the traditional folk tune, but that's partly what makes it so funny: "Oh, I missed her, oh, I missed her. How I missed my Clementine (pause) 'til I kissed her little sister and forgot old what's-her-name." It's awful yet hilarious for me; I don't know why. The traditional lyrics keep her name, but this Boy Scout version works so well because he both says that he's forgotten her and shows it as well. I love it.
     I had a "what's-her-name" moment this week in my religion class when my professor asked me to help him hand back some papers. He teaches three sections, and the stack contained papers from each section. As I went through the pile, shouting the names, I stumbled across one that completely tripped me up. I couldn't figure out how to pronounce it. After a few seconds, it clicked that the name I was trying to read was that of an ex-girlfriend. She attends a different section of the same class, and she wasn't there, but I was so amused that I couldn't pronounce her name on sight until I realized whose name I was shouting.
     Now, I have a reputation in my family for dating girls with weird names. I'm not gonna put all of those up here for obvious reasons, but my fiancée's name is Konrie, so just use that as a reference. I'm used to weird names, so it was incredible that I had completely forgotten about this girl for a second. But as I think about what happened, I realize how wonderful it is to only focus on one woman now and not have to worry about any previous significant others. Konrie isn't my first girlfriend, obviously, and I'm not her first boyfriend. It can be difficult and even hurtful sometimes to think about her caring for someone else, even if it wasn't in the same way or to the same level as the way she loves me. But when I realize how insignificant other significant others are to me now, I think I understand that Konrie genuinely doesn't care about her ex-boyfriends, either.
     It's a beautiful moment when you realize that you don't have to worry about your past, that you can love the one you're with and know that although she's not the first, she's the only one you'll ever have again. I don't need anyone else. I love her more than I can describe, and I know that she loves me. I don't have to torture myself thinking about any of my what's-her-names or her what's-his-names. Since our first date, we've never been on a date with anyone else, and we never will again. When I think about that, it's hard to be pessimistic about anything, even for an avid pessimist like me. To quote the greatest puppet performers and one of the best Kiwi songwriters (The Muppets and Bret McKenzie, obviously), "Life's a happy song when there's someone by your side to sing along."
     People are not their worst mistake. People are better than their lowest moment. We all make mistakes, and some of those mistakes stay with us, haunting us. Some people's pasts come with children, who are never a mistake even if they were an accident, but I imagine that it can be difficult to accept someone else's child as your own. I admire those who do so with such love and selflessness. Whatever the past is, it can be difficult to get over it. It can be difficult to forget. But in the end, why do the ghosts matter? Why do we let the memories control our happiness. Our experiences can hurt us, but they're meant to make us stronger. In a particularly hard time, a comforting thought came to me: "You don't have to walk out of trials with a limp." We don't have to let our past determine our future.
     I love my fiancée, and I know she loves me. Our future together has limitless possibilities. I can't wait to marry her in just 43 days and spend the rest of eternity by her side. I never need anyone else. Life's a happy song, and that's enough to make me forget old what's-her-name.

True love is selfless and beautiful. Nothing can ever break it apart.