It's true, though. Life is tough, and it'll beat you up. There's a great moment from Rocky Balboa (2006) about that, but that's not the point of this post. You know firsthand that it's not always easy to go through life at all, let alone while doing the right things.
I learned a long time ago that choosing the right is one of the easiest ways to tick people off. There will always be somebody unhappy with your decisions, and I feel like that's especially true when they're good yet inconvenient. The mission is just one correct, unpopular choice after another. I can't remember who first told me, "Everybody loves a chueco" (disobedient missionary for you folks out there), but it's so true. Unfortunately, many people want you to fail, both because it makes them look better and because it's simply more fun. Of course, Alma taught that "wickedness never was happiness," and Samuel the Lamanite said that "[seeking] for happiness in doing iniquity...is contrary to the nature of that righteousness which is in our great and Eternal Head," but Alma was rejected more than once, and Samuel's folks...let's just say they missed something. Choosing the right is rarely popular or easy.
One way or another, I inadvertently found ways to make either my companions or Church members upset with me, but the truth was that I totally was right there with them--it would've been so much easier and (for the moment) more pleasant to stay at a house longer than allowed rather than face the heat of the day. I would've loved to have said "yes" to rides from women who were by themselves rather than have to walk. Entering houses in the same circumstances, getting out of bed, leaving for the area on time, having to tell my mission president after a series of probing questions that my companion was being disobedient enough that President decided to transfer him, working while either one of us was sick, etc. The list could go on forever. It would've been so much easier to be lazy and self-serving, even enabling for my companions. But I knew that it wasn't my work; it was the Lord's, so I tried to do it His way.
Remember when I told you about Elder Archuleta's advice? "If you can do it on the mission, you can do it off the mission." It's hard to stand up to peer pressure when your peers are missionaries and Church leaders. I had a bishop pull me aside and tell me to stop being so square, that the mission president didn't make my decisions for me and that I was offending members by being too obedient. I told him as clearly as I could that I served God, not him, and my loyalty was to the Lord and His work. Not popular, and not easy, but I'm proud of that decision. So if I did it on the mission, I should be able to do it off the mission, right?
Well, now you're home now, so you know that it's not as easy as you may have thought. It felt like Sister Missionaries could get away with being more righteous and angelic than Elders, but you weren't immune to criticism, and I'm sure you went through some crap for your standards. Every time you stood for right is a victory. And now it's time to defend the title. You may find it harder to do that now than you did on the mission, which may be surprising but is also a good sign--that means you're moving forward. The future is always darker than the past in mortality, but with every step you take, you're getting stronger and more apt to face the darkness. In the words of Albus Dumbledore (movie version), "Dark and difficult times lie ahead. Soon we must all face the choice between what is right and what is easy." Which brings us to your wonderful question:"How do I choose the harder right instead of the easier wrong?"
The question itself tells me a great deal about where your heart is, and you're in good shape. The question is phrased after a quote from President Thomas S. Monson, the living prophet, and your desire is to better apply his counsel. That's pretty good right there, and it tells me that you want to improve, that you're doing this for the right reasons. So before we get into anything else, well done.
Next, don't feel bad for asking. Just because you're an RM doesn't make you invincible, and it doesn't mean you've learned everything. I've learned a lot since I got back, and one of the biggest lessons is that sometimes choosing the easier wrong seems like a much more enjoyable option.
When Konrie and I were engaged, we felt firsthand the full brunt of Satan's temptations to break the Law of Chastity. It was not easy, and we came close to falling many times. We were both upstanding youth and strong missionaries, but even we were holding on by barely a thread at times in our obedience during that critical period. What kept us going was generally the temple, not just the eventual marriage date but also knowing that our weekly visit was approaching (self-accountability is one of the blessings of regular temple attendance, by the way). But even the temple wasn't always enough to curb our passions in the moment. Thinking of the humiliation of telling our friends and families that we were no longer worthy to enter the temple was a strong motivator, but we knew that fear of punishment is never the right reason to obey God's commandments.
Another mission friend suggested reminding you that obedience is a sacrifice, giving up something you want for something better, and doing it for the One you love. It's like that Hank Smith talk about breaking up with the world, which you should totally look up if you don't know it: "And verily I say unto thee that thou shalt lay aside the things of this world, and seek for the things of a better" (D&C 25:10). Mortality is called a test for a reason. It will never be easy--it will just keep testing you.
I didn't talk to him about this today, but my brother's brother-in-law once said, "Living for God, it's not that it gets easier. It's that you get to use your victories as your foundation." That's so true. Righteousness leads to more righteousness, just as sin leads to more sin. A harder road--a harder right--is just a sign that you're moving in the right direction. Even Christ didn't want to suffer, and when He accepted it, He was strengthened by an angel. You, too, will have Heaven's help as you strive to choose the harder right.
As an imperfect man, I have no moral authority to tell you exactly what to do and how to do it, but I can testify that I know that while God will always let you choose, He certainly will lend a hand when He sees that your desire is to choose the right. And when all else fails, when no blessing is encouraging enough and no commandment carries enough weight on its own, a deep, abiding love for the Savior is the best solution to choosing to follow Him over anyone else.
- President Thomas S. Monson, President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (2008 - present)
Konrie's Korner:
Little sister, I love you! I am so proud of you for who you have become and who you are striving to become. I have always looked up to you (literally for the last few years) and even before that. I have always thought of you as incredibly diligent and determined (just like some of our other sisters--gosh they are amazing). I was always so impressed with you when you decided you wanted to be healthier and exercise. You made a goal and you went for it. Little sister, you are amazing! I believe in you! Richie believes in you! All the members of our family believe in you! Heavenly Father believes in you!
I testify that love is one of the most powerful motivators. I remember halfway through my mission, I was in a rough spot (again). I absolutely loved my companion at the time and thought she was just the most amazing missionary ever. I felt like she could do everything so much better than I could, so why should I try? What did I have to offer that was special? I would have destroyed my self-esteem completely and probably asked to leave the mission had it not been for her. She helped me out of it. You know what she did? She loved me. She loved me and she frequently told me why. She valued me as a person, and as a result, I wanted to be the person she seemed to see me as. She changed my mission and my life and I will always be grateful to her for it.
The same thing can happen with our Heavenly Father when we pray to see and better understand the love He has for us. We should walk with confidence, knowing God is proud of our little triumphs--the time when we resisted the urge to lick the frosting off a cake Mom made for a special occasion, the time we smiled and waved at a person that looked sad, or even when we weren't late for something. :) He loves us and just wants us to be happy and strive to be better step-by-step. So keep going, and remember you are doing better than you think you are so just keep going. I know you will choose the right.
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