I Would If I Could, But I Shouldn't, So...

Dear Little Sister,

Happy Birthday!!! Tomorrow's a big day for you! One of my brothers pointed out once that a birthday is a celebration of your decision to follow Heavenly Father's plan and come to Earth. So congratulations! I don't remember anything about that period of time, obviously, but it's called a war for a reason--it couldn't have been an easy decision. And with this particular birthday, you're really moving along into adulthood. 21 is apparently a super important age for a human person. You still can't rent a car, so you're not completely free to do whatever you want, but 21 is still a landmark. Drinks are on you, right?
     When I was younger, I looked at ages for what I would be allowed to do once I got there: 12) young men/young women, get the Priesthood, etc. 13) teenager, which means you're cool now (except to other teenagers). 14) advance in Priesthood, high school, dances, seminary. And so on. Just before turning 17, I considered my options: I could get a tattoo, go see an R-rated movie by myself, or give blood...
     So I gave blood for my 17th birthday.
     The decision wasn't difficult for me, but it still taught me very markedly that just because you can do something doesn't mean you should. President Monson always says that decisions determine destiny, and as with the story of Alice and the Cheshire Cat, if we don't know where we want to end up, our decisions matter very little. But we know where we're headed, so our daily decisions can make a vital impact on our eternal lives. For instance, your choice to follow God's plan and come to Earth changed everything for you. If I had gotten a tattoo on my 17th birthday, I would've regretted it. And starting tomorrow, you can go out for a drink or a smoke. But should you?
     Eighteen months in Argentina should've at least taught you the answer to that one. ;)
     So what can and should you do now that you're a little bit more of an adult? Well, since I don't see you as the type to get a concealed carry permit, I don't think there's a very long age-specific list for this one. So you do what you do with every new year, every new step of mortality: you get better. You make each day and each year a milestone in your journey to becoming more like your Heavenly Father. Your age doesn't determine how far you should be on that journey, but it can be a useful way to measure your progress one year at a time. People will say, "Act your age," but they often mean, "Act my age." Don't worry about what other people expect you to be. You're you, and only you have the right to judge where you are with respect to where you should be. I'm busy enough figuring out my own standing before the Lord, and anyone taking the time to criticize yours is too satisfied with their own.

     One word: lacrosse. Did I get your attention? I love lacrosse. Not like you do, but still. I play hockey, and I've only messed around in lacrosse with a couple of friends a few times, but it's fun. I haven't played it much, but I have great respect for those who do--especially goalies like you. Yikes!--and for the sport in general. Basically I just love any sport where you can hit people.
     Anyway, one thing that I find really intriguing about lacrosse is its unique rule about midfield. Three defenders can't cross it on the attack (not counting the goalie), and three attackers can't cross it on the defense. I imagine that it's so nerve-wracking to watch your team struggle on either offense or defense, not knowing whether or not they'll succeed and knowing that there's nothing you can do to help. Watching some of my best friends play in high school, I realized how important it is to accept that there are some things you can control, and there are some you just have to react to. Try as you might to avoid these decisions altogether, they're bound to come up eventually, and you'll just have to deal with them when they do.
     Never is this more applicable than when entering adulthood (or maybe something later, but I haven't gotten far enough to know). I'm sure you saw that many times on the mission, unable to control the decisions of people you taught, the weather, your companion, meals with members, or a million other things. Up at school, you'll have classes and homework and roommates and that annoying kid in class who asks weird questions, and if you're anything like me, you'll lose your mind trying to hold on to all of it at once. It's easy to say now that it won't be a problem, but trust me. Just as part of the human condition, the more everything careens out of our control, the more desperately we try to control it. And since I'm battling your inner human condition, this may not be easy to hear, but it's important: don't.

     I hope I'm not making this sound like an easy transition that you should really have figured out by now. It's not. It's tough. It's a process that everyone deals with, and that means that I struggle with it too. But I've learned that "anxiously engaged" and "anxiety with rage" are not the same thing. There has to be a balance, and while some need to hold on a little tighter to the rope, I need to learn how to let go. Those with too loose of a hold on life are generally those without direction, the ones who, like Alice, don't really care where they end up. But I know you're not like that. You care about where you're going and how you get there, and it's hard to care that much and not hold on too tight.
     Don't tire out your fingers with that tight of a grip. Little by little, learn to hand the reigns over to God. One of our biggest tests on Earth isn't to see how much we can make happen; it's about seeing how much can happen to us and how we'll react to it. A man I interviewed once told me, "Take everything that happens to you--all the good, all the bad, everything you can't control. That's the gift of life. And our gift to God and to ourselves is how we deal with that."
     You're at a big milestone in your life. Not because you're 21, not because you can (yet shouldn't) buy alcohol, not even because you're an adult. Today is a big day because it's today, and every day is another test. Every day is another chance to prove to God that no matter what happens, you'll still find a way back to Him. You can't control everything, and you shouldn't try. Learning to do so is not the purpose of life. Heavenly Father just wants you home, and that's a journey you decided to start a long time ago. Tomorrow you'll celebrate that decision for the 21st time. So far so good. Just keep taking it one step at a time.


"Experienced pilots understand that they can’t always control the things that happen around them. They can’t just turn off the turbulence. They can’t make the rain or snow vanish. They can’t cause the wind to stop blowing or change its direction.

But they also understand that it’s a mistake to fear turbulence or strong winds—and especially to be paralyzed by them. The way to land safely when conditions are less than ideal is to stay on the correct track...as perfectly as possible."

- President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, Second Counselor in the First Presidency (2008 - present)




Konrie's Korner

HaPpY (almost) BiRtHdAy !!! I love you so much, little sister! I cannot believe how old you are!!! I mean you would think I would get used to you always being 2 years younger, but nope, I am still surprised to see how you and all of our siblings keep growing older.

If you would look at yourself through my eyes, you would see someone:

• confident and determined--I mean, you have to be to like exercising as much as you do ;)
• able to fit in and make friends with anyone
• fearless and willing to try new things
• so talented--I mean, you were a singer in a band, you play piano (you stuck with the lessons and actually practiced), you are super sporty... I could go on and on.

I am so proud of who you have become and know that you will do great things.