Yes, No, and How Much?

Dear Little Sister,
How are you?

     That's a pretty simple question, but I want you to think about it. Once you've come up with your answer, I want you to think about why. How do you know if you're doing well or doing poorly? How can you tell if it's a great day or a bad day? Typically, our perception of our current situation is all about comparing the here and now to something else, either how we've been in the past or where we hope to be in the future. If you were doing poorly yesterday and you're better now than you were then, then you might say you're fine. If you were good and now you're better, you may be great. If you were great and now you're worse, you may be okay. It all depends on where you are relative to where you want to be.
     We know from Lehi's teachings in 2 Nephi chapter 2 that this kind of comparison, or "opposition," is not bad. In fact, it's necessary. There would be no hot without cold, tall without short, smart without not so smart, front without back, and, ultimately, good without evil. Comparison is how we identify what's in front of us.

     If you've ever shopped for bananas, you know why this is so important. They have to be just the right amount of yellow if you want to eat them right away, with just enough green if you want them to last awhile. But how do you know how much "just enough" is? By comparison. The slightly green ones have to be greener than the yellow ones and yellower than the green ones. And then you compare them to past experience and what your mom told you about them, remembering if the last ones were too green and how those looked so you don't make the same mistake twice.
     Comparisons rule our everyday lives. Most have become so ingrained that we don't think about them, but throughout the day, we're hungry because there's more room in our stomachs than when we were full, we're tired because we have less energy than just a few minutes ago, and we have to use that information to decide, how hungry do you have to be before you decide to eat? How tired are you before you decide, "Now's the time to go to bed"? Comparison. It's all comparison.
     Because of all that habit, it's no wonder we translate the need for comparisons into less mundane, more meaningful areas of our lives. In the gospel, we're taught the difference between right and wrong, virtue and vice, good and evil. But where do they switch? We always want to know where the line is, how close we can get or how far away we need to keep ourselves. We're always concerned about choosing the harder right, picking the lesser of two evils, identifying what's good, what's better, and what's best. That can be helpful in some ways, but it can ruin us spiritually if we become too focused on it in others.

     The first example of where not to compare is in decisions between good and evil. Once we know that something is on the right, we can sort between good, better, and best, but let's just focus on whether something is right or wrong. As children and teenagers, don't we all ask, "Exactly how bad is it?" We want to know which sin is bigger, stealing something or hitting someone, swearing or saying mean things, lying or spilling someone else's secret? Believe it or not, it doesn't matter. To God, it doesn't make much difference which sins we commit--only that once we sin, we've become unclean. All we need to know is, "Is it good or bad? Does it bring me closer to or farther away from God?" It doesn't matter how much. Any and all sin will lead you away from our Heavenly Father. A lot of people ask, as if to taunt God, "Will [insert sin] really keep me from the Celestial Kingdom?" Maybe not, but your attitude certainly will. Such people have become so prideful that they truly believe they're smarter than God, more in tune with the Spirit than the prophets. I don't know how bad every sin is, and that's not for me to decide. But once I call good evil and evil good, imagining I know better than my Maker, I'm in trouble. As my best friend once told me, "I've decided that in all matters, I'm going to keep myself as far from the line as possible. Because if I'm nowhere near the line, there's no way I can cross it."
     The next example is in comparing ourselves to others. This can very easily happen when we think about the last point: how bad are their sin in contrast with mine? Again, if that's our attitude, we're in trouble. It certainly is mine more often than naught, and that's one of my many battles. We justify sin because "at least we're not as bad as so and so," and we somehow see ourselves as doing so much better than so many other people. It's not a competition. The War in Heaven was fought over agency, over whether we would follow God or Satan. So why is the War on Earth all about beating each other, so much so that we've forgotten who the real enemy is? We're fighting a war against sin, and the only comparison that will help us is whether we're stronger now than we were yesterday. Are we moving forward? That's the right direction, no matter the speed. We may go faster or slower than we have at other times, but as long as we're moving in the right direction, we'll be fine.

     In that same vein, we too often determine whether or not somebody's needs comfort by comparing their suffering with ours. "Do they need it as badly as I do? Because if they don't, I'll save my comfort for myself." That's not the way of the Lord. When Christ was on the cross, He comforted the thieves, actual criminals who had not suffered nearly as bad as He had. Christ also prayed for the soldiers who crucified Him, that their suffering might also be less than His. He finally reached out to His beloved apostle, making sure that His mother would be taken care of after His death. We see as natural men and women, recognizing that these people suffered little compared to the Savior, but Christ never considered that His suffering might disqualify Him from feeling empathy for others. So instead of wondering whose suffering is worse, why don't we ask, "Are they suffering?" and "How can I help?" Instead of comparing our sins, why don't we say, "Who among us is imperfect and in need of the Savior's redeeming grace?" We'll soon find--through our comparison--that we're a lot more similar to our brothers and sisters in that regard than we may have thought.
     Finally, I realized recently another way in which I often compare is with my strengths to those of others. Whenever people ask which of our Christlike attributes are strongest, or which ones others likely notice in us, I immediately think of obedience and knowledge. But I'm afraid to speak up, because I don't want people to think I look down on them or that I consider myself superior. I thought my desire not to hurt their feelings was motivated by humility, but it occurred to me that such thoughts are actually manifestations of pride. The reason I felt that others might feel bad for not having the same strengths is because somewhere deep down, I'd assumed that my strengths were the strengthiest of all strengths. I'd assumed that while all attributes of Christ are important, the best ones to develop are the ones that I've most nurtured.
     Which Christlike attribute is best? Which is most important? If I wanted to defend myself, I would point out that obedience is the first law of Heaven and that man cannot be saved in ignorance. But what about, "If ye have not charity, ye are nothing"? What about, "Pride is the great stumbling block to Zion" and "But without faith it is impossible to please Him"? Does that mean that charity, humility, and faith are the best attributes? In short, yes. And yes to obedience and knowledge. And yes to virtue, to hope, and to patience. Yes to everything that leads you closer to God, that makes you more like the Savior.
     The attribute of Christ most worth your time is whichever one is keeping you furthest from Him.
     We're commanded to judge, but not to judge unrighteous judgement. Judge between choices that are good and evil, influences that build you up or tear you down, bananas that are green or yellow. But don't compare yourself to people, and don't convince yourself that God loves them any less than He loves you, no matter how much more consistently righteous your choices are. Pride is the vice that encourages that kind of comparison.
     At the same time, please don't think, "Well, if we're all sinners anyway and all sin leads us away from God, then why not commit the bigger ones?" Don't confuse God's trust in you for His love. His love will always be there, but your goodness and your strength will show Him that He can rely on you to be an instrument in His hands, to comfort those that are suffering and to reach out to those who are falling behind.
     I don't know how many drops of blood were shed for me in Gethsemane, and maybe it will take less Atonement to heal my heart than it will for others, but that's none of my concern. I'm trying really hard not to think about that. Instead, I'm trying to remember that until I've taken care of my own sins, I can't judge anyone else for theirs. I have plenty of battles ahead of me without being distracted by who's winning an imaginary race.

"At its core, pride is a sin of comparison, for though it usually begins with 'Look how wonderful I am and what great things I have done,' it always seems to end with 'Therefore, I am better than you.'"

~ President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, Second Counselor in the First Presidency of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (2008 - )





Konrie's Korner:

Isn't my husband wonderful?! I love so many of the points he made this week! Comparing myself to others is something I have struggled with for a long time. Honestly, even comparing myself to myself can sometimes be destructive. Lately, I have developed a new method of just giving it my all each moment and striving to be sensitive to the Spirit as close to always as I can that day. That method has helped me to make sure I am drawing nearer to our Heavenly Father, without being overly hard on myself for days or moments when I am too weak to do much more than have good intentions of heart. It is hard to do evil when your heart is full of good.