ˌinkənˈsēvəb(ə)l/
adjective
not capable of being imagined or grasped mentally; unbelievable.
"it seemed inconceivable that the president had been unaware of what was going on"
synonyms: unbelievable, beyond belief, incredible, unthinkable, unimaginable
Two of the most famous lines in movie history (especially on BYU campus and in the modern meme era) are from The Princess Bride: Vizzini's catchphrase, "Inconceivable!" and Inigo Montoya's response, "You keep using that word. I don't think it means what you think it means."
I've always been bothered when people, like Inigo, claim that Vizzini's usage of the word is improper. I frankly don't even understand how they can think that. Wesley is doing some amazing things—tracking their boat, climbing the Cliffs of Insanity, clinging to the rocks when the rope is cut, etc. It's all pretty incredible (see synonyms above. Also, the Spanish translation "increíble" comes from the root "creer," to believe. "Incredible" literally means "unbelievable."), and it's as if Vizzini is saying "I can't believe it! I am incapable of grasping this, mentally! This can't possibly be happening!" All of these phrases are alternate versions of the same exclamation. I don't know what other people think he means, but regardless, I don't think Vizzini's usage is, by any stretch of the imagination, "totally and in all ways inconceivable."
As illustrated by the example above, sometimes we misinterpret things. Sometimes somebody says one thing and we hear another. Sometimes we're wrong. Either Vizzini or Inigo misunderstands the meaning of their words. Words are the stomping ground for misinterpretation. Actions, too, can be misconstrued, but I think words have an even greater tendency to lose clarity as we try to construct them carefully. We hear words the way we understand them, and sometimes that understanding is limited, based on one connotation rather than the complete meaning of the word.
I'll give you an example. The other day, I told my mom that sometimes when I'm pursuing a girl, I often feel like she finds me repulsive. Well, maybe you, like her, read "repulsive" and think "revolting, disgusting, vile, foul, nasty, loathsome, sickening, nauseating," etc. These are all acceptable synonyms (and maybe I am all these things), but they're not the only interpretations. Dictionary.com defines "repulsive" as "causing repugnance or aversion" and "tending to drive away or keep at a distance," among other things. Using this definition, I reasoned with my mom, "If girls don't like me and they keep their distance, avoid me, or reject me, I'm repulsing them. If I consistently repulse, I am one who repulses. One who repulses is repulsive. Therefore, I am repulsive."
My point is that the only way to understand each other is to explain our feelings. I thought that "repulsive" was clear enough because I understood it one way, but the same word gave my mom a completely different picture. Once I unpacked my meaning, she was able to address my feelings much more effectively, and an insightful conversation followed. We can't just assume that people will receive our words the way we intend them. Our entire lives have sculpted our understanding of every word we use, and we don't have the same experiences, so our feelings require more effort in expression than just one-word statements.
Ever play the game of Telephone? The message gets ridiculously maligned by the end, even unrecognizable, but not just because of the collective group. Those mistranslations happen one at a time, one exchange at a time, one misunderstanding at a time. Now, have you ever played this game in dating? I did in High School, for sure. When I had a crush on a girl, I talked to her friends. When I had a problem with a girlfriend, I talked to our mutual friends. What on earth was I hoping to accomplish? How was I ever going to understand how she felt? Unfortunately, I played Telephone again once more this summer, but this time against my will. I liked a girl and asked her out. We went on one date, and I had a great time; I wanted to ask her out again. But I was treading carefully, not wanting to be overbearing. While evaluating the situation, my best friend talked to me about what he thought she my be feeling, and I responded with my thoughts. Unbeknownst to me, the girl had talked to her best friend, who talked to my best friend, who talked to me. Thinking I was just talking to him, I shared my feelings, but then he talked to the girl's best friend, who went back to the girl. The train came back into the station one more time before I realized, and I immediately decided that I had had enough. If two human beings can't communicate with each other, there's no reason for them to be together, honestly. It shows so much immaturity when we can't openly express our feelings, whether or not we even care about the person, but especially if we do. Adults communicate.
To guys and girls, if you like someone, tell them. If you don't and you can tell they like you, tell them. It's possible to be honest without being rude. In fact, the rudest thing you can possibly do is prolong the agony of uncertainty. And if you're not particularly wordy, don't worry about it. Just send clear signals to express your feelings—not things that you do with everyone (smiles don't count as signs of liking, nor does texting while talking to someone necessarily show disinterest), but something unique, the extra mile. Guys, if you like a girl, ask her out. And then do it again. And again. Girls, if you like a guy, touch his arm a lot. Say things like, "We should do something together sometime," or "we should do this again," or "next time we can...," or heck, you can ask him out. It's hard to put yourself out there, but trust me, it's harder to watch people you care about end up with somebody else because you never had the courage to act.
If you haven't decided how you feel yet, tell them that, too. Keep people informed on your emotions and opinions. It's only weird if you make it weird and/or if you only mention your feelings at all every three months or so. People meet and get married in that time (occasionally). Express your feelings more often than that.
If you don't like somebody, tell them nicely. Say you're not interested in them, that you're in a relationship, that you don't want commitment, or whatever. Just tell the truth, and make sure they get it. As William H. Taft once said, "Don't write so that you can be understood, write so that you can't be misunderstood." I'd rather know it's a "no" than suffer and wonder. But be nice. Even repulsive people have feelings.
Here's a cute video about how to express love to someone on a unique, personal level:
No comments:
Post a Comment