The Ship of Theseus Paradox

Dear Little Sister,
I'm so sorry I didn't write you last week, but I assumed we would see each other, so I thought I shouldn't, and yeah, that didn't turn out the right way. Oops. And I'm sorry again that I didn't ask you about a specific prompt or issue today, but that one has a better explanation, I hope.
     I decided that there's something you should hear that you would probably never think to ask for. It's a common..."issue" isn't the right word, "concern" maybe? "Thought exercise" is close, but it's more existential than that.... It's a common questiony, self-pondering thing that I think almost all people experience in their lives, especially after such a life-altering experience like serving a mission. It's something both Konrie and I have discussed multiple times, and recently, I discovered a classic philosophical paradox that actually addresses it! The other reason I'm doing this is because I wanted to explain it to a friend of mine yesterday, but we ran out of time. So here's to you too, Megan! It's called the Ship of Theseus Paradox.

     It goes like this: once upon a time, there was a ship. When it was first built, it was beautiful and functional and everything a ship should be. But as time went on, the ship got older and started to decay. Not wanting to lose such a jewel of craftsmanship (see what I did there?), a project was undertaken to restore the vessel to its original glory, replacing all of the boards, oars, the helm, the mast, the rudder, etc. with newer, sturdier pieces. After all of these changes, however, they had to pose a question: is it still fundamentally the same ship? Is it still the Ship of Theseus, or do the new parts make it a new ship altogether? There are more questions like this: if an ax has had its head and handle each replaced seven times, is it still the same ax? If a car get its engine, rims, paint job, seats, transmission, and muffler redone, is it still the same car? There are obviously two main sides here, yes and no, but no matter what you initially think, it's actually pretty complex and a lot more complicated than you may first realize. I'm not gonna pretend to know more about philosophy than I actually do, so my summary is fairly condensed, but I think it's fascinating if you want to dig deeper and read more.
     The Ship of Theseus Paradox was hypothesized by ancient philosophers like Plato and later featured in Plutarch's story, "Life of Theseus," almost two millennia ago. Thomas Hobbes, one of the great minds that influenced the founding fathers, added a new layer to the puzzle, asking if the original parts of the ship (the ones that had been replaced) were gathered up and used to make a new ship, which of the two would be the original Ship of Theseus? The old one that uses new parts, or the new one that uses the old parts? Anything that spins your head around this much is my kind of conversation.

     There are tons of references to this in pop culture, including The Wizard of Oz, Futurama, and even Wall-E. My favorite YouTubers, the Super Carlin Brothers, actually have a video about this theory talking about whether Wall-E is still the same robot after replacing his own parts so many times. It's how I found out about the theory and it's super easy to follow. Check it out! One Greek philosopher tried to settle the debate once and for all with the example of a river, whose waters continuously flow without returning but is still always the same river. But even Pocahontas disagrees with that one, singing that "you never step in the same river twice." Gets your brain going, doesn't it? The fundamental question is: what makes something that thing? The individual parts, or some central, unifying identity?
     Anyway, there is a point to this, and it has to do with who you are and why the natural man in you may find it so hard to change.
     I think that somewhere deep within us, the natural man (or just Satan) is trying to tell us that if we change who we are to become more like God, we won't be the same person anymore. We'll be too different, we'll lose what makes us unique, and we'll no longer have any identity. You and I know that this isn't true, that God only wants us to make better versions of ourselves and if anything return to the glorified quality of being we were before this life, but Satan does a convincing job.

     Just before you got home, Konrie and I warned you that it might be difficult to keep the progress you'd won because so many people would expect you to be exactly the same as you were when you left. You don't have to answer me, but think about it for a second. Have you felt that yet? Have you felt yourself slipping back into Old Torra because that's what people expect or maybe even demand of you? That was certainly a challenge for Konrie, and I think we all feel it to a certain degree. My version of that problem was that no matter how much I knew I had improved on the mission, I was disappointed to realize that I hadn't changed as much as I had thought. My bad habits, insecurities, and annoying quirks still shone across my face like a scrolling billboard. When you truly lose yourself on the mission, your own identity is something you don't even realize you're not thinking about anymore, so when you come back, you actually have to decide: do I want to be the old me, or can I make a new me? And--here's the paradox--if I do make a new me, will I still be me? You may feel like you, but you may be afraid that people won't recognize or accept you for you, so I think that many returned missionaries (if not most) decide that no, they don't want a "new me." So they fall back into old habits and lose some of the progress they fought so hard to make.

     The only you I've really had a chance to talk to is the you you are right now, so I don't know if that's the old or new you. But if you don't mind me saying, there have been times when you've seemed a little different than you did in our emails during your last few months in Argentina. First impressions can be inaccurate, so I'm not saying you're bad or that you've lost your ground, but Konrie and I wanted to remind you that 1. we know how hard it is to struggle between who you want to be and who everybody thinks you are and that 2. you don't have to be ashamed to let the new you shine if there's more that you've stashed away. We know personally how hard it is to change--both of us are still working on the same weaknesses we admitted to each other on our first date, and we probably will be for a long time, but don't be embarrassed to improve. Every day should yield a new you, one slightly better on average and moving in the right direction.
     If you think about it, "conversion" is also sometimes called a "change of heart," and "repentance" has a Greek root meaning "change of mind." So in order to come unto Christ and be perfected in Him, we need to literally change out two of the most vital parts of our bodies: our hearts and our minds. This is to put off the natural man and in a sense reprogram ourselves so that we're more compatible with our Father in Heaven.
     Does that make you a fundamentally different person? Well, you'll have to decide that yourself, and you'll have to decide if that's a good thing or a bad thing.
     Does it make you a fundamentally better person? Absolutely.

I couldn't decide on just one quote, so here are two:

"No man can sincerely resolve to apply in his daily life the teachings of Jesus of Nazareth without sensing a change in his own nature. The phrase 'born again' has a deeper significance than many people attach to it. This changed feeling may be indescribable, but it is real."

- David O. McKay, President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (1951 - 1970)

"The Lord works from the inside out. The world works from the outside in. The world would take people out of the slums. Christ takes the slums out of people, and then they take themselves out of the slums. The world would mold men by changing their environment. Christ changes men, who then change their environment. The world would shape human behavior, but Christ can change human nature."

- Ezra Taft Benson, President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (1985 - 1994)








Konrie's Korner:

Konrie was really tired and took a nap, and I felt bad waking her up for her part. She said she fully supports what I said and loves you. :) Sorry!


P.S. That drawing of the girl in the rain is called Sunny-Side Up by my brother, Tyler Angel. Check out more of his work here!

I Would If I Could, But I Shouldn't, So...

Dear Little Sister,

Happy Birthday!!! Tomorrow's a big day for you! One of my brothers pointed out once that a birthday is a celebration of your decision to follow Heavenly Father's plan and come to Earth. So congratulations! I don't remember anything about that period of time, obviously, but it's called a war for a reason--it couldn't have been an easy decision. And with this particular birthday, you're really moving along into adulthood. 21 is apparently a super important age for a human person. You still can't rent a car, so you're not completely free to do whatever you want, but 21 is still a landmark. Drinks are on you, right?
     When I was younger, I looked at ages for what I would be allowed to do once I got there: 12) young men/young women, get the Priesthood, etc. 13) teenager, which means you're cool now (except to other teenagers). 14) advance in Priesthood, high school, dances, seminary. And so on. Just before turning 17, I considered my options: I could get a tattoo, go see an R-rated movie by myself, or give blood...
     So I gave blood for my 17th birthday.
     The decision wasn't difficult for me, but it still taught me very markedly that just because you can do something doesn't mean you should. President Monson always says that decisions determine destiny, and as with the story of Alice and the Cheshire Cat, if we don't know where we want to end up, our decisions matter very little. But we know where we're headed, so our daily decisions can make a vital impact on our eternal lives. For instance, your choice to follow God's plan and come to Earth changed everything for you. If I had gotten a tattoo on my 17th birthday, I would've regretted it. And starting tomorrow, you can go out for a drink or a smoke. But should you?
     Eighteen months in Argentina should've at least taught you the answer to that one. ;)
     So what can and should you do now that you're a little bit more of an adult? Well, since I don't see you as the type to get a concealed carry permit, I don't think there's a very long age-specific list for this one. So you do what you do with every new year, every new step of mortality: you get better. You make each day and each year a milestone in your journey to becoming more like your Heavenly Father. Your age doesn't determine how far you should be on that journey, but it can be a useful way to measure your progress one year at a time. People will say, "Act your age," but they often mean, "Act my age." Don't worry about what other people expect you to be. You're you, and only you have the right to judge where you are with respect to where you should be. I'm busy enough figuring out my own standing before the Lord, and anyone taking the time to criticize yours is too satisfied with their own.

     One word: lacrosse. Did I get your attention? I love lacrosse. Not like you do, but still. I play hockey, and I've only messed around in lacrosse with a couple of friends a few times, but it's fun. I haven't played it much, but I have great respect for those who do--especially goalies like you. Yikes!--and for the sport in general. Basically I just love any sport where you can hit people.
     Anyway, one thing that I find really intriguing about lacrosse is its unique rule about midfield. Three defenders can't cross it on the attack (not counting the goalie), and three attackers can't cross it on the defense. I imagine that it's so nerve-wracking to watch your team struggle on either offense or defense, not knowing whether or not they'll succeed and knowing that there's nothing you can do to help. Watching some of my best friends play in high school, I realized how important it is to accept that there are some things you can control, and there are some you just have to react to. Try as you might to avoid these decisions altogether, they're bound to come up eventually, and you'll just have to deal with them when they do.
     Never is this more applicable than when entering adulthood (or maybe something later, but I haven't gotten far enough to know). I'm sure you saw that many times on the mission, unable to control the decisions of people you taught, the weather, your companion, meals with members, or a million other things. Up at school, you'll have classes and homework and roommates and that annoying kid in class who asks weird questions, and if you're anything like me, you'll lose your mind trying to hold on to all of it at once. It's easy to say now that it won't be a problem, but trust me. Just as part of the human condition, the more everything careens out of our control, the more desperately we try to control it. And since I'm battling your inner human condition, this may not be easy to hear, but it's important: don't.

     I hope I'm not making this sound like an easy transition that you should really have figured out by now. It's not. It's tough. It's a process that everyone deals with, and that means that I struggle with it too. But I've learned that "anxiously engaged" and "anxiety with rage" are not the same thing. There has to be a balance, and while some need to hold on a little tighter to the rope, I need to learn how to let go. Those with too loose of a hold on life are generally those without direction, the ones who, like Alice, don't really care where they end up. But I know you're not like that. You care about where you're going and how you get there, and it's hard to care that much and not hold on too tight.
     Don't tire out your fingers with that tight of a grip. Little by little, learn to hand the reigns over to God. One of our biggest tests on Earth isn't to see how much we can make happen; it's about seeing how much can happen to us and how we'll react to it. A man I interviewed once told me, "Take everything that happens to you--all the good, all the bad, everything you can't control. That's the gift of life. And our gift to God and to ourselves is how we deal with that."
     You're at a big milestone in your life. Not because you're 21, not because you can (yet shouldn't) buy alcohol, not even because you're an adult. Today is a big day because it's today, and every day is another test. Every day is another chance to prove to God that no matter what happens, you'll still find a way back to Him. You can't control everything, and you shouldn't try. Learning to do so is not the purpose of life. Heavenly Father just wants you home, and that's a journey you decided to start a long time ago. Tomorrow you'll celebrate that decision for the 21st time. So far so good. Just keep taking it one step at a time.


"Experienced pilots understand that they can’t always control the things that happen around them. They can’t just turn off the turbulence. They can’t make the rain or snow vanish. They can’t cause the wind to stop blowing or change its direction.

But they also understand that it’s a mistake to fear turbulence or strong winds—and especially to be paralyzed by them. The way to land safely when conditions are less than ideal is to stay on the correct track...as perfectly as possible."

- President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, Second Counselor in the First Presidency (2008 - present)




Konrie's Korner

HaPpY (almost) BiRtHdAy !!! I love you so much, little sister! I cannot believe how old you are!!! I mean you would think I would get used to you always being 2 years younger, but nope, I am still surprised to see how you and all of our siblings keep growing older.

If you would look at yourself through my eyes, you would see someone:

• confident and determined--I mean, you have to be to like exercising as much as you do ;)
• able to fit in and make friends with anyone
• fearless and willing to try new things
• so talented--I mean, you were a singer in a band, you play piano (you stuck with the lessons and actually practiced), you are super sporty... I could go on and on.

I am so proud of who you have become and know that you will do great things.

Choosing the Harder Right

Dear Little Sister,

One of my favorite shows growing up was Boy Meets World. Konrie can't remember if you ever watched that show. Did you? Anyway, one of the moments that's stuck with me most is when Eric, the older brother, tells Cory, "Little bro, life's tough. Get a helmet" and then palms his forehead. Classic.
     It's true, though. Life is tough, and it'll beat you up. There's a great moment from Rocky Balboa (2006) about that, but that's not the point of this post. You know firsthand that it's not always easy to go through life at all, let alone while doing the right things.
     I learned a long time ago that choosing the right is one of the easiest ways to tick people off. There will always be somebody unhappy with your decisions, and I feel like that's especially true when they're good yet inconvenient. The mission is just one correct, unpopular choice after another. I can't remember who first told me, "Everybody loves a chueco" (disobedient missionary for you folks out there), but it's so true. Unfortunately, many people want you to fail, both because it makes them look better and because it's simply more fun. Of course, Alma taught that "wickedness never was happiness," and Samuel the Lamanite said that "[seeking] for happiness in doing iniquity...is contrary to the nature of that righteousness which is in our great and Eternal Head," but Alma was rejected more than once, and Samuel's folks...let's just say they missed something. Choosing the right is rarely popular or easy.
     One way or another, I inadvertently found ways to make either my companions or Church members upset with me, but the truth was that I totally was right there with them--it would've been so much easier and (for the moment) more pleasant to stay at a house longer than allowed rather than face the heat of the day. I would've loved to have said "yes" to rides from women who were by themselves rather than have to walk. Entering houses in the same circumstances, getting out of bed, leaving for the area on time, having to tell my mission president after a series of probing questions that my companion was being disobedient enough that President decided to transfer him, working while either one of us was sick, etc. The list could go on forever. It would've been so much easier to be lazy and self-serving, even enabling for my companions. But I knew that it wasn't my work; it was the Lord's, so I tried to do it His way.
     Remember when I told you about Elder Archuleta's advice? "If you can do it on the mission, you can do it off the mission." It's hard to stand up to peer pressure when your peers are missionaries and Church leaders. I had a bishop pull me aside and tell me to stop being so square, that the mission president didn't make my decisions for me and that I was offending members by being too obedient. I told him as clearly as I could that I served God, not him, and my loyalty was to the Lord and His work. Not popular, and not easy, but I'm proud of that decision. So if I did it on the mission, I should be able to do it off the mission, right?
     Well, now you're home now, so you know that it's not as easy as you may have thought. It felt like Sister Missionaries could get away with being more righteous and angelic than Elders, but you weren't immune to criticism, and I'm sure you went through some crap for your standards. Every time you stood for right is a victory. And now it's time to defend the title. You may find it harder to do that now than you did on the mission, which may be surprising but is also a good sign--that means you're moving forward. The future is always darker than the past in mortality, but with every step you take, you're getting stronger and more apt to face the darkness. In the words of Albus Dumbledore (movie version), "Dark and difficult times lie ahead. Soon we must all face the choice between what is right and what is easy." Which brings us to your wonderful question:
     "How do I choose the harder right instead of the easier wrong?"
     The question itself tells me a great deal about where your heart is, and you're in good shape. The question is phrased after a quote from President Thomas S. Monson, the living prophet, and your desire is to better apply his counsel. That's pretty good right there, and it tells me that you want to improve, that you're doing this for the right reasons. So before we get into anything else, well done.
     Next, don't feel bad for asking. Just because you're an RM doesn't make you invincible, and it doesn't mean you've learned everything. I've learned a lot since I got back, and one of the biggest lessons is that sometimes choosing the easier wrong seems like a much more enjoyable option.
     When Konrie and I were engaged, we felt firsthand the full brunt of Satan's temptations to break the Law of Chastity. It was not easy, and we came close to falling many times. We were both upstanding youth and strong missionaries, but even we were holding on by barely a thread at times in our obedience during that critical period. What kept us going was generally the temple, not just the eventual marriage date but also knowing that our weekly visit was approaching (self-accountability is one of the blessings of regular temple attendance, by the way). But even the temple wasn't always enough to curb our passions in the moment. Thinking of the humiliation of telling our friends and families that we were no longer worthy to enter the temple was a strong motivator, but we knew that fear of punishment is never the right reason to obey God's commandments.

     My mission president and his wife just got back this week, so at their homecoming today, Konrie and I asked a couple of friends about their thoughts on the subject. One of my old companions reminded me of something that President Warne would always teach us is that there are three reasons we are obedient, three levels: 1. Because it's a commandment, 2. Because we want blessings, and 3. Because we love God. Obeying the Law of Chastity was almost always one of the first two, but it was practically never the third. Obedience to the Lord should come from a place of love and only love, especially since He stated that obedience was the very manifestation of love to Him. Therefore, if we don't mean it when we do it, we're sending Him the wrong message. We may have obeyed for the right reasons on the mission, but how about now? My companion added, "Did you love Him for a little bit and then jump back to man?" He finished by saying, "The goal is to overcome, not succumb."
     Another mission friend suggested reminding you that obedience is a sacrifice, giving up something you want for something better, and doing it for the One you love. It's like that Hank Smith talk about breaking up with the world, which you should totally look up if you don't know it: "And verily I say unto thee that thou shalt lay aside the things of this world, and seek for the things of a better" (D&C 25:10). Mortality is called a test for a reason. It will never be easy--it will just keep testing you.
     I didn't talk to him about this today, but my brother's brother-in-law once said, "Living for God, it's not that it gets easier. It's that you get to use your victories as your foundation." That's so true. Righteousness leads to more righteousness, just as sin leads to more sin. A harder road--a harder right--is just a sign that you're moving in the right direction. Even Christ didn't want to suffer, and when He accepted it, He was strengthened by an angel. You, too, will have Heaven's help as you strive to choose the harder right.
     As an imperfect man, I have no moral authority to tell you exactly what to do and how to do it, but I can testify that I know that while God will always let you choose, He certainly will lend a hand when He sees that your desire is to choose the right. And when all else fails, when no blessing is encouraging enough and no commandment carries enough weight on its own, a deep, abiding love for the Savior is the best solution to choosing to follow Him over anyone else.

"May we maintain the courage to defy the consensus. May we ever choose the harder right instead of the easier wrong. As we contemplate the decisions we make in our lives each day—whether to make this choice or that choice—if we choose Christ, we will have made the correct choice."

- President Thomas S. Monson, President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (2008 - present)









Konrie's Korner:

Little sister, I love you! I am so proud of you for who you have become and who you are striving to become. I have always looked up to you (literally for the last few years) and even before that. I have always thought of you as incredibly diligent and determined (just like some of our other sisters--gosh they are amazing). I was always so impressed with you when you decided you wanted to be healthier and exercise. You made a goal and you went for it. Little sister, you are amazing! I believe in you! Richie believes in you! All the members of our family believe in you! Heavenly Father believes in you!

I testify that love is one of the most powerful motivators. I remember halfway through my mission, I was in a rough spot (again). I absolutely loved my companion at the time and thought she was just the most amazing missionary ever. I felt like she could do everything so much better than I could, so why should I try? What did I have to offer that was special? I would have destroyed my self-esteem completely and probably asked to leave the mission had it not been for her. She helped me out of it. You know what she did? She loved me. She loved me and she frequently told me why. She valued me as a person, and as a result, I wanted to be the person she seemed to see me as. She changed my mission and my life and I will always be grateful to her for it.

The same thing can happen with our Heavenly Father when we pray to see and better understand the love He has for us. We should walk with confidence, knowing God is proud of our little triumphs--the time when we resisted the urge to lick the frosting off a cake Mom made for a special occasion, the time we smiled and waved at a person that looked sad, or even when we weren't late for something. :) He loves us and just wants us to be happy and strive to be better step-by-step. So keep going, and remember you are doing better than you think you are so just keep going. I know you will choose the right.

To Know God

Dear Little Sister,
You gave us a prompt! I was so so SO happy when Konrie told me that you asked for something specifically. It makes my job easier, but it also makes me feel like I'm helping you more, which is the whole point. I can ramble for days, as you know, but this blog is meant to answer any of your questions and give you encouragement as you face this new chapter of your life. So thanks for asking us to help you!
     Your question was fantastic--something that's really made me think today--and God was so good throughout church today, giving me one little piece at a time of what He wanted me to say (at least that's  how it felt). For the folks at home, you wanted to know more ways to see Christ in your life every day and come closer to Him besides prayer and scripture study. What a great question. That question and honestly seeking the answer (which may change slightly depending on your circumstances) will keep a fire alive and burning in your heart throughout your life; it will keep you active in the Church, and it will keep you and your family striving down the road toward Heaven. That's the attitude you need to have, and I'm so pleased that you already have it.
     Plus, I know you're smart. I know it's something you've thought about and probably come up with answers for already. And I can see the proper foundation of your testimony in doing the littler things, like reading the scriptures and praying. That's a good place to start, and rather than branch out like you asked, I've actually felt that I need to dig deeper today.
     Are you familiar with the concept of B.A.M., Basic Answers for Mormons? I remember my friend, Lindsay, calling them that all the time, and I've heard different versions of it everywhere I've lived, like "Primary Answers," so I think it's fairly ubiquitous or universal. Anyway, if we're on the same page, you're now thinking of prayer, reading the scriptures, going to church, keeping the commandments, going to the temple, service, etc. You get a few more answers as you get older, but even as a young child, those are the answers we know by heart and they never really go away. As adults, they're the first things listed as well. Why? Because they work. They're just as true for adults as they are for children, and we never stop needing to improve them and give ourselves more time and focus for them. How can you be happier? B.A.M.! How can you feel the Spirit more? B.A.M.! How can you strengthen your testimony? B.A.M.! And the list never ends. So how can you feel closer to Christ and think of Him more frequently? Well...let's talk about that.
     I remember one of my many bishops, Bishop Cook, telling me when I was about thirteen that when he talked to people who were struggling or on the brink of inactivity in the gospel, he always asked them the same first question: are you reading your scriptures and praying daily? When someone's testimony and resolve were shaking, when they couldn't handle any more, he said, the answer was "no" 90-95% percent of the time. I've confirmed this with other bishops and even my mission president, curious to see if the principle holds up, and it does. 90-95% of the people who fall away or seriously fall down give up prayer and scripture study.

     I don't know what the exact numbers are because they vary depending on where you look, but I've heard a lot of reports (and I'm sure you have too) that around 25% of returned missionaries no longer participate in the Church. Another study approximates that roughly 80% of Church members will go inactive at some point in their lives. Less than half of the men or boys baptized into the Church ever receive the Melchizedek Priesthood worldwide. Those numbers are heartbreaking, yet I can't help but think of Bishop Cook's lesson every time I hear them. As my mission president, President Warne, often said, "You never find a less-active member who still reads the Book of Mormon every day and pays their tithing." In order to get lost in forbidden paths, the people in Lehi's dream first had to let go of and forget about the rod, which is the word of God.
     Like I said, I want to dig deeper, so this isn't just about whether or not you read and pray. This is about how and why. What makes you turn to God?
     I had a lot of amazing seminary teachers, and one of them--a substitute, Sister Packard--said something so profound that I've never forgotten. We were reading John 17:3, "And this is life eternal, that they might know thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent." She then commented, "To know God is to be like God." Think about that for a second. To know God is to be like God. God's work and glory is to bring to pass our eternal life, and life eternal is to know God, and to know God is to be like God. So God's work and glory is to help us become more like Him. That's His purpose. So how do we do that?
     One of my favorite scriptures is in Mosiah 5, and it reads, "For how knoweth a man the master whom he has not served, and who is a stranger unto him, and is far from the thoughts and intents of his heart?" How do we know God if we don't serve Him or think about Him often? How can we be like God if we don't serve Him or think about Him often? I know you know that it's impossible, and that's why you knew enough to ask the question in the first place--you know it's vital to draw nearer unto God. So how do we do that?

     Another favorite scripture is in 3 Nephi 9, when the land has gone dark after Christ's crucifixion and the people are mourning. In their despair, they hear the voice of the Lord telling them, "If ye will come unto me ye shall have eternal life. Behold, mine arm of mercy is extended towards you, and whosoever will come, him will I receive." To have eternal life, which is to know God, which is to be like God, we have to come unto Him, or come unto Christ. But His arm of mercy is extended, which means that He's waiting for us. I don't know why, but I always picture the Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban video game, where a book of spells would often be on a pedestal in the middle of a chasm, and you had to find a way to get to it. Christ is always there, always waiting for us, and it's up to us to go to Him.
     This still isn't digging, really, and I'm sorry to ramble. Here we go now: in my first weeks of the mission, I had a companion who wasn't too eager to work at that time. He wasn't obedient, he didn't seem to like me, and I had a very hard time with him. I was afraid to talk to him, and I could tell you more stories of why later. We eventually became friends, but during my training, we did almost nothing. But anyway, in the beginning, I was shocked that a missionary could be that...bleh. I was still stuck in the naive "all missionaries are amazing" mindset, and since we were the only Elders in this city, I just thought, "What in the world is wrong with him? How could this be happening? President Warne needs to know." Over the course of a week, I wrote down everything that my companion was doing wrong, all of the rules he was breaking, all of the ways he was mistreating me, on the last page of my planner. I wrote in tiny print, and I filled the page. I got to the ciber on Monday ready to type fire, but the Spirit stopped me.
     "Why are you doing this?" he asked.
     "Because this can't be happening. President needs to know."
     "What exactly are you hoping he will do?"
     I thought about it, but I couldn't come up with an answer. The Spirit was kind enough to offer suggestions. "Do you want him to go home?" No, that would crush him. "Do you want him to get transferred away?" No, I don't know the area well enough. "Do you want to be transferred away?" No, I love the people here and I'm not ready to go. "Do you want President to get mad at him?" No, because then he'd yell at me and it would get worse. "So what do you want?"
     After a long pause, I responded in my heart, "I guess I just want him to know what's going on. I want to know that he hears me and knows what I'm going through."
     Then the Spirit changed my life and especially my mission with this phrase: "That's why we pray."

     We pray because God listens and we need to remind ourselves of that. We pray because we want Him close to us and because we trust Him. We pray because we know He will be fair and will always do what is best for us. President Warne often said that there are three types of obedience: obedience because it's a commandment, because we want blessings, and because we love God. It's the same with prayer. I used to pray because I was supposed to, and I later prayed because I wanted to ask for things or even to feel the Spirit, but this experience was the first of many throughout my mission that remade who I am. I learned to pray because God is my Father, I love Him, and I want to be close to Him. I learned to pray about meaningless things, things that I couldn't imagine God caring about, but I learned that if it's big enough for you to care about, it's big enough for God. I learned to be honest with Him and be satisfied in turning only to Him when nobody else could help me.
     I learned that while God is my Father, He is also my friend.
     This experience didn't change whether or not I prayed, but it changed why I prayed, how I prayed, and even how often I prayed. It changed my heart and the way I saw my Father, and it made me feel indescribable love for Him. It made me trust Him. It made me want to be like Him. It made me want to know Him.
     I still read my scriptures and pray often, but not quite the same way as I used to, and I've been working on that. I noticed a slump in my spirituality, and I traced it back to this, always to this. Maybe the answer is different for you, but for me, when I want to come closer to my Father, I talk to Him. How can I know Him, be like Him, or feel close to Him if I don't keep Him close to me? So my advice is to dig deeper in your prayer and scripture study. The temple, service, fasting, and a million other things will certainly help you, but my testimony is that how close we feel with our Father greatly depends on how we talk to Him.

But in case all you needed was a list:
9 Ways to Draw Closer to God:
1. Sincerely and humbly pray.
2. Act promptly on spiritual impressions.
3. Search the scriptures daily.
4. Live the law of the fast.
5. Be worthy and worship in the temple.
6. “Trifle not with sacred things” (D&C 6:12).
7. Be prepared to move forward in faith.

8. Let the Lord decide the details of what He chooses to reveal and when He chooses to reveal it.

9. Heed prophetic warnings.

- Sister Linda K. Burton, Relief Society General President (2012 - present)


Konrie's Korner:

This time I am going to talk about something a little bit different from Richie. The first thought I had when you asked how to draw closer to God was to think of Him always. When I got back from my mission, one of my happiest times was when I was able to have my Father in Heaven constantly or at least frequently on my thoughts. I would just be walking to class and list all my blessings and feel the inspiration to stop for a half second to compliment someone going in the opposite direction. It was a time when people and little inspirations from the Spirit were the most important. I was so happy and so satisfied with life because I felt Heavenly Father working through me.

I have thought back on that time since then and wondered why I am not as happy as I was then, and I reached the conclusion, I used to cast my burdens upon the Lord. I trusted that if I followed His prompting to stop to talk to someone instead of head to class on time, He would help me to still understand what was going on. I had faith that if I magnified my calling despite being super busy, that I would have enough time in the day for everything important.

Sometimes I don't have that faith, sometimes the here and now distracts me from the eternal perspective of which things truly matter. It isn't the money or that grades but relationships and knowledge. I truly feel closest to God when I am taking care of His children and remembering Him in the little things. I love you, and I hope that this helps :)